Well, I still stab myself sometimes. But the good thing is that the blade is covered in paralyzing venom, and slowly my feelings go to sleep. And as long as I get my sleep, it shouldn't be a problem.. I know you don't trust me that much anymore, and I hate it. But when all I have left is care for you, maybe we can build it up again. I don't want you to be tense when I touch you, so I'll try and keep my hands to myself, even if I know that the lust to stroke your hair or shoulder is going to kill me. I'll try my best, so please don't get mad at me. If you make me sad, I'll only hurt myself, so feel free to do so, just let me stay by your side. I know it's pathetic and desperate, but I don't know what to do without you in my life. Conventions won't be the same, cosplaying would mean nothing and I have so much stuff that'll remind me of you everyday. In my wallet, in my bed, on my phone, on my shelf and probably many other places.
I'm tired, I know I should sleep instead of writing this, but I need to get it out. Like when I write a sms for you and just save it on my phone instead of sending it. I have a lot of those, sadly. But I don't wanna push my feelings on you, I just want you to be happy. And I know you have a lot on your mind right now, so don't mind me, help yourself first. But I'll be right here to help you if you want, so feel free to write anytime. You once said that I'm easy to read, and I'll admit that my feelings are hard to control when I'm with you. Which means that you'll see everything, joy, sadness, disappointment and maybe even love. I smile every time you write me, and I bet some people would say that I'm too much.
But hey, I love you, what more do you want?
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